Once again, I find myself sitting at my table, cup of coffee by my side. Everyone else is either sleeping or going to sleep. Except those twitterholics. They’re always up apparently. As usual, thoughts are crossing my mind. Emotional thoughts that engulf you and then move to the background of your mind just as quickly as they came. Making space for more emotional thoughts. This midnight madness is nothing new to me. But there’s one big difference. You’re not here.
You see, in days gone by, you would still be up with me. Sometimes, you would be by my side. If not, your name would be flashing constantly on my phone, like the annoying moths that seem to be everywhere these days. Oh how I miss the annoying moths. Now, the night is filled with your silence. Silence that is way too loud. All that’s left of you is the goodbye note I decided to tape to my table. Which reminds me, I better be careful with my coffee.
I know that you won’t be reading this anytime soon. I mean, how can you? While I’m stuck at my table, you’re tens of thousands of miles up in the air, preparing to embark on one of the most exciting journeys of your life.
It’s both a scary and heart wrenching experience, to be so far from the person you love. To be unable to reach out and grab their hand, to not have every vein in your body set on fire by their tender, loving touch. It’s weird to fall asleep when they’re wide awake and even weirder to wake up to their snores.
Will whatever we have stand the test of time and distance? Is seeing your adorable face on Skype going to be enough? These are the thoughts I shouldn’t be thinking but the more I push them back, the further they seem to invade my mind. Like the waves on a shoreline, one moment they are lapping gently against the sand and the next, they come crashing down relentlessly against the rocks high above.
I know the old cliché, absence makes the heart grow fonder, but there isn’t any space in my heart that isn’t filled with fondness for you.
So come back quick my love, and wake me up from this eternal nightmare.
Day one conquered.
Hundred and seven to go.