” Love is so pointless. You build up all these emotions, share all these amazing experiences and for what? It all comes crashing down eventually. Sure, you’re happy now, ecstatic even. But what happens when that chemistry dies down? When the masks come off and our real selves come out. Real selves that may not be very well received. I used to fool myself, telling people that this was different, that she was perfect for me but boy was I deluded. Even the strongest flame created by the brightest spark eventually turns to dust. “
These thoughts have haunted my mind for the longest time. In this period, I felt like a failure, like I was not good enough for the whole concept of love. I looked around me at all the couples, laughing at each other’s jokes, taking pictures and being silly. At first it was with envy, but soon it became a morbid sense of contempt and dismissal. “Soon, those faces will be covered with tears anyways.”
Every night, I would stay awake. Wondering what I did to deserve this horrible aching in my heart or the hollow emptiness that I could not escape from.
Eventually, I swore to myself that I would never ever fall in love again. I enclosed myself in my own shell.
But a turtle can only stay inside it’s shell for so long.
Yet, every single time I came out of it, every time I gambled my heart away yet again, I lost it all to a bad hand. There were always a few reasons why it wouldn’t work out, and even when it felt like it did, it didn’t. I started losing even more faith in love until I was so sure that it didn’t exist.
But I was wrong.
You see, love is an emotion, albeit a very powerful one, and emotions change all the time. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
Girl after girl after girl I’ve dated or fling-ed with, and finally after what seems like eons, I can say I really found somebody perfect. I can say this without lying to myself, I can say this without wondering whether this perfection is only temporary.
I have found somebody who loves me for who I am, despite all my flaws and scars and somebody I can love with all my heart too.
The realist in me knows that we may not be together forever. Situations change and love is after all, just another illogical emotion.
But I have come to a simple conclusion. Love isn’t about being with one person forever, it’s not about growing old together or getting married. Those are all just one of the better results of love. Love is about caring for someone, being vulnerable and selfless despite knowing that it could end at any moment, despite knowing that you could get hurt, no, you will get hurt.
So, if you are lying on that bed, thinking sad thoughts and reminiscing on happy memories. If the pain tears through your soul and makes you want to cry out, rejoice. Rejoice for you have experienced love and all its entirety. The pain it brings as well as the warmth and comfort.
And know that love never escapes you. One day, you will find somebody else to love. Somebody else who loves you. And you will get hurt. You will find yourself lying on the same bed, thinking the same thoughts and reminiscing on happy memories yet again.
The process will repeat itself over and over until one day, you will find someone to grow old together with, someone to marry, and all the other romantic notions of love that you once held dear.
But for now, embrace the pain and misery. Smile at your own tears. Start going out and seeing new people. Find somebody else who you’ll build up all these experiences with, share all these precious moments. Come out of your shell and expose yourself. Be vulnerable and be selfless, care for that person with all your heart, even if he or she may one day hurt you.
Because that’s what love is all about.