So as some of you all who have read some of my posts before would know, I like to write things out to clear my mind. I mean we all have our own ways of clearing our head, some go for a run, some talk to a friend and some engage in… less orthodox methods. While I have recently decided to keep most of my posts private (partly due to the fact that nobody blogs anymore), I felt like sharing this post. No idea why either.
Life is a funny thing. When you’re a kid, you ask to buy a toy that caught your eye and when your parents so effortlessly rejects you, you bawl your eyes out and feel oh, so upset. Growing up into your teenage years, when puberty hits and your body changes in ways you would never expect, you grow sad, depressed and angry at a myriad of different but minor setbacks. From being denied the chance to go out with your friends to that boy in class who would say mean things to you, we often feel so unhappy at what, in hindsight, probably didn’t warrant the reaction you gave.
Recently, a series of unfortunate events (no pun intended) has impeded into my life making it much, much harder to endure. If looking back at the past is any hint of what’s to come, I’m sure that one day, I can look back to this past week and have a really nice, hearty laugh. After all, we do seem to realise how small our previous problems are as we grow older and face bigger, more troubling problems. But for now, it feels that I’ve reached a nadir of sorts, while those around me are going through life ever so smoothly. And its so, so hard not to feel jealous.
So what exactly happened? Firstly, I lost my girlfriend of two years. (who I really thought was the one) Then, my beloved dog died. Lastly, I broke my collarbone, leading to a huuuge quesion mark on my NS career, which I have grown to love, as well as a couple of months before I’m able to get back to the sport I love so much, Taekwondo. Oh, and this all miraculously happened in the tiny, constricted space of a single, desolate week.
I shall not elaborate too much, as I know most people either do not care too much for the details, or already know because they asked me about it. I do appreciate all those texts, facebook messages and calls in reply to my depressing facebook statuses. It’s friends, teachers, coaches and family members like you guys that really make a difference.
My surgery for the collarbone is coming this friday at TTSH and I’ll be staying there all alone till Saturday morning. Visiting hours is 8-8 *hint hint*
So, have I hit rock bottom? I doubt so, but this constant alternating feeling between unforgiving ache and a feeling of emptiness in my chest is real and I do hope it goes away soon, replaced by that urge to laugh when we think of how childishly we reacted to certain “depressing” situations before.
P.S. Boy is it hard to type with one hand.